I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
