This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
