Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
