Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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