i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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