i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
