Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
