Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
