what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
