I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
