You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Randomize