If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
