...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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