also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
