im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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