you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
