spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
