the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
