Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
