i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
