Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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