What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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