I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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