I want you more than these girls want KFC
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Randomize
