I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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