Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
