I hate all girls vehemently.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
