From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
