I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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