hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
