Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
accomplished twins. life is a go
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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