Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
