I can tuck mytits in my pants
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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