I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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