my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
