I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize