She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
