I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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