i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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