She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
