my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
