It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
