the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
