i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
