I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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