Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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