so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He passed out mid-signature
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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