I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
