I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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