A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
