I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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