I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize