she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
