how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
