he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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