she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize