update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
