I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize