the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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