the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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