apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
