Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
