I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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