There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
