New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Mom said you looked used
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize