6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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