I didn't shave. On purpose
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Im part way to drunk.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
