As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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