are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
