the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
