Your tits are I can't wait for
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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